The Physics of Human Connection: Understanding Power in Relationships
The Vision That Changed Everything
When Richard Williams watched tennis on television in 1979 and learned that professional players could earn $40,000 for four days of work, he didn't just see a business opportunity—he saw a destiny waiting to be written. His daughters weren't even born yet, but Richard was already crafting what would become one of the most extraordinary success stories in sports history.
What makes Richard's story so compelling isn't just that he succeeded against impossible odds. It's that he understood something most of us experience but rarely acknowledge: every human relationship operates according to invisible forces as predictable and powerful as the laws of physics. Just as gravity pulls objects together while electromagnetic forces can push them apart, two fundamental energies govern every interaction between people—the propelling energy of power and the attracting energy of love.
Richard's genius lay not merely in recognizing his daughters' potential but in understanding how to harness these forces to propel Venus and Serena toward greatness. Before Venus was born in 1980 and Serena in 1981, he had already spent months studying tennis through books and instructional videos, teaching himself a sport he'd never played. He created a 78-page plan detailing how he would develop his future children into champions—a blueprint that covered everything from technical training to mental preparation.
However, Richard's ultimate goal went beyond athletic success. As he later wrote in his memoir: "From the beginning, I decided that if people came up to me later and told me my daughters were great tennis players, I had failed. Success would be if they came up to me and said my daughters were great people."
This philosophy guided Richard's approach, and he used his understanding of the invisible forces that shape human relationships to achieve that goal. With this philosophy as a compass, Richard applied his methods with not only consistency and discipline but also flexibility and humility. Richard's success wasn't accidental—it was the result of mastering the physics of human connection.
The Universal Forces That Shape Every Relationship
The Williams family story, though unique in its magnitude, reflects patterns that play out millions of times each day around the world. Parents push children toward excellence. Teachers nudge students to reach higher. Leaders inspire followers to achieve what seemed impossible. What connects all these stories is the same fundamental truth Richard discovered—human relationships operate according to two primary forces that govern how we connect, influence, and care for one another.
At its foundation, society is comprised of multiple units, with the family—whether a single person or a multi-generational household—forming its core. For a society to be healthy and thriving, its units must be healthy and striving. We cannot build a successful society with broken and unhealthy families any more than we can construct a strong building with cracked stones and bricks.
Beyond the material necessities, such as air, food, water, clothing, shelter, and transportation, which I explored previously, another important factor that governs our communities is the quality of relationships among members. This interconnectedness determines how well each unit in the society interacts with the surrounding environment. At its most fundamental level, these interactions determine the relationships within families themselves.
Human relationships represent one of the most complex topics ever studied, with thousands of books written to explore, understand, and enhance them. Yet, despite our growing knowledge and sophisticated communication technologies—the telephone, internet, and social media—we live in a modern society that feels more isolated and lonely than ever. We have more tools for connection but fewer meaningful interactions than ever before.
The Williams family's success story is an example of a path forward. At the fundamental level, human relationships operate according to forces that are both invisible and visible, but as predictable as the laws of physics. Just as gravity, electromagnetic, and nuclear forces govern how objects interact in the physical world—from the largest cosmic structures to the smallest subatomic particles—two fundamental forces govern how we interact with one another: power and love.
Understanding these forces and how they operate in our interconnectedness is essential for building healthier relationships, whether at home, at work, or in society as a whole.
Power: The Force That Creates Momentum
Understanding Power's Nature
Power moves through human relationships like electricity through a circuit—silent, invisible, yet utterly predictable. Picture a river meeting a dam. Behind that concrete barrier, thousands of gallons accumulate, building pressure over time. The water doesn't rage or protest; it simply rises. And rises. Until the fundamental laws of physics can no longer be denied, and what was once a gentle flow becomes a torrential force, carving new channels through whatever stands in its path.
The higher the reservoir rises, the more powerful its eventual release will be. This is power in its purest form—pure potential energy that obeys no master except the immutable forces that govern our universe. When that dam finally gives way, we witness something primal: accumulated pressure transforming into unstoppable momentum, reshaping the landscape in its way..
Just as water seeks its level through differences in elevation, power exists in the gaps between us—the difference between king and peasant, CEO and janitor, teacher and student, the influencer and the influenced.
Power can be inherent, as it exists between parents and children. It can be won, as between conqueror and conquered. It can be created, as between a start-up CEO and their employees. It can also exist through cultural perception, as seen between the privileged and underprivileged, as well as between the prestigious and ordinary. These differentials create social pressure, an invisible force as real and measurable as atmospheric pressure, yet infinitely more consequential. The closer we are to those with power, the greater the effect on us.
Everyone possesses power, large or small, due to their relative position compared to someone or something else. A manager has power over employees because of the position granted by the company. That employee has power over the children on his team because he is their soccer coach. A police officer has the power to detain, search, and arrest citizens due to the authority granted by institutions and the court system. Parents have power over children through societal and institutional support, through physical and economic superiority, and developmental advantages—parents are typically more cognitively developed and experienced than young children.
Richard Williams understood his power intimately. He used his authority as a father to push his daughters toward success, both athletically and in life. His relentless, steady pressure pushed Venus and Serena through grueling practices and real-life challenges, helping them navigate both physical obstacles and mental barriers. He succeeded as a parent because he understood the "Five W's of Power"—knowledge that transformed his natural parental authority into a tool for his daughters' development.
The Five W's: A Framework for Conscious Power
Why - Purpose drives everything. Richard's purpose was crystal clear: raising exceptional human beings, not just tennis players. This moral foundation guided every decision he made about how to use his influence.
What - Power serves two primary functions: it can propel people toward greatness or suppress them from their intended path. Richard mainly chose propulsion, understanding that his role was to elevate his daughters, not control them.
When - Timing determines effectiveness. Power can be applied constantly or intermittently, and knowing when to push and when to pull back makes the difference between growth and burnout.
How - Technique matters enormously. Power can be applied gently or harshly, suddenly or gradually. Each approach produces different results. Richard chose a graduated intensity that built strength without breaking spirit.
Where - Target selection is crucial. Richard focused his power on his daughters, whom he could influence. But he didn't just focus on tennis skills; he targeted character development, preparing his daughters to handle criticism, racism, and pressure with dignity and poise.
Power as Propulsion: The Lombardi Example
In 1959, the Green Bay Packers had just finished their worst season ever with a record of 1-10-1. The town, team, players, and shareholders were all demoralized. Recruited to Green Bay to reverse course, Vince Lombardi demanded and gained complete control over the football operation. Using his newly acquired power as head coach and general manager, Lombardi conducted grueling training camps and demanded absolute dedication and effort from his players. His philosophy centered on pushing people to discover their potential rather than accepting mediocrity.
The results were immediate and dramatic. The Packers improved to 7-5 in Lombardi's first coaching year, then went on to win five NFL Championships in seven years, including the first two Super Bowls. But Lombardi's true legacy wasn't just victories—it was transformation. He exemplified leadership by applying upward pressure, pushing his players not to break them down, but to elevate them to heights they never thought they could reach. Lombardi used his authority not to punish or suppress but to transform and create not just better football players but better men. These men, in turn, carried his lessons far beyond the football field.
Many effective leaders understand this propelling effect of power. Either they were "pushed" into achieving their positions, or they actively encourage people they want to see succeed to higher levels. Parents, teachers, and coaches apply this principle every day, utilizing their authority to uplift others. However, since power is finite—like money or time—leaders must use it selectively. This selectivity often creates the appearance of bias and inequality, as those in power can only elevate a limited number of people.
Power as Suppression: Lessons from History
Power can also be wielded to suppress or crush rather than to lift and cultivate. Andrew Jackson, the seventh President of the United States (1829-1837), exemplifies this destructive use of power. Although often celebrated as a champion of democracy and advocate for working Americans, Jackson also owned hundreds of slaves and punished runaway slaves severely. His presidency represents a devastating example in American history of how a leader can use legitimate government power to systematically suppress and destroy entire populations.
Through the Indian Removal Act of 1830 and its brutal implementation, Jackson demonstrated how democratic institutions and presidential authority could be weaponized against vulnerable groups. His approach revealed that the moral landscape of American leadership has always been complex—good and evil can be intertwined. Jackson used legitimate power acquired through democratic elections and broad popular support to suppress Native Americans, creating a system far more systematic and politically sustainable than the actions of any individual dictator.
Jackson's evil genius lay in understanding that effective suppression required more than brute force—it required transforming government power into a systematic machine for oppression that could operate within the bounds of democratic institutions.
Yet the power to suppress can also serve good purposes, such as combating crime or resisting invasion. When the Mongols invaded Vietnam in 1285 and again in 1287-1288, they brought overwhelming forces and had never been successfully resisted in Southeast Asia. Trần Hưng Đạo, serving as supreme commander under Emperor Trần Nhân Tông, used his royal authority and strategic brilliance to defeat two massive Mongol invasions led by Kublai Khan, the same forces that had conquered most of Asia and Eastern Europe. His most famous victory came at the Battle of Bạch Đằng River in 1288, where he lured the Mongol fleet into a high-tide river with hidden iron-tipped stakes, destroying the entire invasion force when the water receded.
On a personal level, many of us have tried to harness this power of suppression. Growing up in District 8 of Ho Chi Minh City, where petty crimes and bullies plagued our neighborhood, I, like many teenagers in unsafe neighborhoods nowadays, believed that physical power—the ability to fight—was essential for ensuring personal safety and protecting my family as a young teenager. This belief motivated me to learn martial arts and street fighting, warning potential antagonists that I had the power to fight back. Although I was never particularly skilled—I nearly got knocked out in my first fight—it had a deterrent effect. No bullies bothered me once they knew I was training under a fierce martial artist.
The Fundamental Nature of Power
Most people misunderstand power, viewing it as inherently good or evil. In reality, power is simply energy seeking direction. Like electricity, power becomes meaningful only when we choose how, when, and where to channel it. Electricity can light our homes, power our machines, and enable modern life, but uncontrolled electricity in the form of lightning can harm humans and animals, as well as damage structures.
A government can utilize its power to combat crime and poverty, resulting in “good” outcomes. However, the same government can also use its power to suppress activists and political opposition, which proves destructive over time. The power to push can be misused as well—a gang leader can use his influence to push teenagers into committing crimes. Similarly, a political leader can use her propelling force to push followers toward hatred and violence.
This fundamental nature of power is why understanding power as a form of energy or force is crucial. Knowledge of its nature and how to wield it can lead to vastly different outcomes, both desirable and undesirable. Power can be amplified through deeper knowledge and understanding, as I explored here, making the conscious study of these forces essential for anyone who wants to build healthy, productive relationships.
The Personal Landscape of Power: Starting with Self
The Foundation of All Power
On May 2, 1939, at Detroit's Briggs Stadium, Lou Gehrig—the "Iron Horse" who had played in 2,130 consecutive games spanning 14 years—walked up to his manager Joe McCarthy before the game and said five words that stunned the baseball world: "I'm benching myself, Joe." For a man who had played through broken bones, concussions, and countless injuries, who had never missed a game due to illness or fatigue, ALS (Amyotrophic Lateral Sclerosis) had finally done what no opposing pitcher, injury, or hardship could do—it took away his power to control his own body and play the game that defined his existence.
The most fundamental power dynamic exists within ourselves. Do we have the power to control our own bodies, our thoughts, and our actions? This internal mastery—or lack thereof—becomes the template for all external relationships.
Consider someone struggling with addiction. That person has lost power over their own choices, and this powerlessness ripples outward, affecting relationships with family, friends, and colleagues. Conversely, someone who has developed self-discipline and emotional regulation can use their internal stability to positively influence everyone around them.
The Ultimate Example: Nelson Mandela
When Nelson Mandela walked out of Victor Verster Prison on February 11, 1990, after 27 years of imprisonment, the world witnessed one of the most remarkable demonstrations of self-control in human history. Here was a man who had every reason to be consumed by bitterness, hatred, and desire for revenge—yet he emerged with his spirit not just intact, but transformed into something greater.
Mandela's story represents the ultimate example of personal power: the ability to control oneself, one's emotions, and one's responses regardless of external circumstances. His journey from prisoner to president demonstrates that the most profound power any person can possess is mastery over their own mind, emotions, and reactions. While others had controlled his body for nearly three decades, Mandela had maintained absolute sovereignty over his inner world—and that internal freedom ultimately transformed not just his own life, but an entire nation.
Family: The First Laboratory of Power
Family relationships provide our earliest lessons in power dynamics beyond our own body and mind, shaping our expectations for all future connections.
Between Domestic Partners
In healthy relationships between domestic partners, love serves as the dominant force. However, power continues to flow dynamically between partners. Ideally, power is at equilibrium between partners. However, when one partner gradually acquires significantly more power over time, the relationship suffers and falls out of equilibrium. This problem is especially enhanced when love—the glue that keeps people together—has diminished.
The more dominant partner might use their power to exert control, causing harm and damage in the relationship. Control of the other partner can be manifested in physical form, such as physical abuse. However, it can also be financial, emotional, or often a combination of these.
Consider Howard Hughes, the billionaire industrialist, film producer, and aviation tycoon. Hughes was notoriously controlling toward his wife Jean Peters, whom he married in 1957. Hughes used his vast wealth to create a controlled environment, keeping Peters out of the public eye and insisting she live in near seclusion during their marriage. Her movement and communication were severely restricted, demonstrating how financial power can become a tool of oppression even within marriage.
Problems can also arise when partners compete destructively for control, even when they started on similar ground. When Johnny Cash and Vivian Liberto married in 1954, both came from middle-class backgrounds with limited social status. Johnny was a struggling appliance salesman and Air Force veteran, while Vivian came from an average Catholic family—neither had significant wealth or fame initially.
As Cash's music career took off, a power struggle emerged. Vivian used her moral authority to control Johnny's lifestyle, prohibiting alcohol, demanding he attend mass, and disapproving of the honky-tonk music scene. As Johnny's career grew, his social and financial power overshadowed Vivian's influence. Vivian felt increasingly isolated and resented the music industry lifestyle and the people it brought into their lives, while Johnny felt she was holding him back from opportunities and relationships that could advance his career—in other words, suppressing his power. Their marriage ended in 1966, a casualty of misaligned power dynamics.
Between Generations
The parent-child relationship demonstrates the evolution of power over time more clearly than any other. A newborn has virtually no power—they cannot feed themselves, move independently, or provide protection. Parents hold nearly absolute authority, making decisions about everything from nutrition to safety.
But power shifts as children develop. A two-year-old discovers the word "no" and suddenly has the power to resist parental direction. Teenagers gain physical strength and cognitive complexity, allowing them to challenge their parents and assert independence. Adult children may find themselves financially, cognitively, and emotionally superior to their aging parents, completely reversing the traditional power dynamic.
Wise families recognize these shifts and adapt accordingly. Parents who try to maintain absolute control over developing children often find themselves fighting a losing battle or eventually being shut out entirely. Similarly, maturing children who fail to acknowledge their aging parents' diminishing power and capabilities may be caught off guard when their parents require support.
Power in Society: The Larger Stage
Beyond family, power dynamics play out across every level of social organization, from workplace hierarchies to international relations.
Power in Organizations
In our current society, power is often distributed through processes established by society or its institutions. In democratic societies, these processes are typically more transparent and fair than in authoritarian ones; however, inequality persists nonetheless, and it is pretty pervasive, so I will not elaborate on this here.
Most forms of institutional power are held by established groups of people who already possess authority. In a typical company, a CEO is chosen by the board of directors, which holds significant power. The CEO then uses the authority given by the board to select and appoint executives, managers, and other mid-level leaders. This delegated power influences decisions throughout the organization. The authority given to these individuals is often limited to the workplace, but it frequently extends into their personal lives as well. It's common to witness someone using their workplace authority to influence others even outside of work.
To gain more power, one established path involves climbing the "corporate ladder" to achieve higher positions. This process involves identifying and reallocating resources from other areas to support this endeavor. Since time is finite for everyone, the strategy becomes maximizing efficiency and diverting attention from other aspects of life toward the pursuit of power. The result is often undesirable, as the pursuit of power and influence becomes an endless chase with no real satisfaction.
Another path is to combine individual power into something larger and more powerful. This is how tribes, clans, organizations, and parties are formed. Individuals in these groups unite based on shared characteristics or interests: gender (Boy Scouts, Girl Scouts), race (Augusta National Golf Club maintained an all-white male membership policy until 1990), shared interests (Sierra Club brings together people focused on protecting wilderness areas, promoting clean energy, and advocating for environmental policies), profession (American Medical Association for US physicians), or political philosophy (Federalist Society promotes conservative constitutional interpretation, emphasizing originalism and textualism). When organized collectively, groups like these can wield enormous power over individuals, other groups, and even governments.
These two paths are often intertwined. One can gain power both by joining larger groups, organizations, or parties and by climbing the hierarchy within those groups. The path to the US presidency exemplifies this pattern. To reach what is considered the most powerful position in the country, candidates must both align with one of the two established parties (Democratic or Republican) and ascend through its ranks to secure the nomination. In the history of the US, no one has ever achieved the presidency without following that formula.
This formula extends far beyond politics. Many people seek membership in large, prestigious organizations for the power they confer, while simultaneously aspiring to reach the top of those hierarchies. Yet, any title or position achieved often becomes merely the starting point for pursuing the next level—perhaps driven by the search for another dopamine rush—while other aspects of life, such as health, family, and inner peace, are relegated to the background.
In my work, I experienced and now witness the struggle of academic scientists and physicians as they strive to alleviate suffering and bring comfort to people while also trying to increase productivity in pursuit of recognition and prestige, alongside their pursuit of economic compensation. Unquestionably, the pursuit of recognition and prestige is strong and pervasive in academia, as it is a form of subtle power. Yet, this endless pursuit often leads to a feeling of dissatisfaction.
Imagine a young physician-scientist who begins his career deeply committed to helping people and finding solutions for medical problems—his original calling that led him to academic medicine. However, he soon discovers that staying on this path requires publishing, securing promotions within strict timeframes, and obtaining external funding. While these requirements might have legitimate purposes, the pressure to meet them gradually becomes his primary focus, triggering a survival instinct to pursue "career advancement" with the same intensity he once devoted to helping others. Additional incentives emerge—leadership roles in committees and organizations that boost promotion prospects—and the power from these artificially created positions becomes so real that he doesn't recognize its influence on him. Day by day, the desire to climb the "academic ladder" and pursue these seemingly trivial markers put a strain on his original motivation. He appears to be getting closer to institutional goals, but deep inside, he knows he's moving in the wrong direction.
This story, as well as many others, was my own until I realized how disillusioned I was and made the necessary changes. Many physicians weren't as fortunate—some even ended their careers or even their lives too prematurely. For them, the moral distress of juggling between these disconnected goals significantly contributed to the inevitable outcome.
Power in Government
The pursuit of power is even more pronounced in government, both nationally and internationally. The majority of people who enter politics want to make society "better" according to their vision. They want to change current conditions because they believe the status quo isn't in their best interest or that of the people they care about.
Initially, they start at local, smaller levels of government. Some become dissatisfied with these positions due to structural constraints or because they don't see sufficient impact. This desire to create larger change motivates them to pursue more power, leading them to run for higher and higher offices. Most people eventually limit their pursuit of power due to time and resource constraints, or because of moral considerations and a recognition of the dangers associated with unlimited power. However, there are always outliers who relentlessly pursue power in government.
History shows us that this kind of unlimited pursuit is rare but not uncommon, and the results are devastating. Joseph Stalin consolidated power after Lenin's death and ruled through terror, mass deportations, and executions. His policies caused widespread famine and millions of deaths through purges and forced collectivization. Adolf Hitler rose to power through democratic means but dismantled Germany's democratic institutions to establish a totalitarian regime, leading to World War II and the Holocaust.
Some dictators gain power quickly through the use of military force. Idi Amin was a military dictator who expelled Uganda's entire Asian population, persecuted ethnic groups, and was responsible for an estimated 100,000-500,000 deaths during his eight-year rule. Augusto Pinochet was a military general who overthrew Chile's democratically elected government and established a military dictatorship, responsible for widespread human rights abuses, torture, and the "disappearance" of thousands of political opponents.
Here in the United States, we're now witnessing attempts at power consolidation that historians have compared to previous authoritarian leaders. The desire for unchecked, unlimited power, combined with strong convictions about fixing perceived problems, creates an environment fertile for authoritarianism to take root.
The Corruption of Power
The famous observation that "power corrupts" reflects a fundamental truth about human nature: the more power we acquire, the more we tend to want. A politician elected to serve constituents may become more focused on maintaining their position than on effective governance. A successful CEO might begin to believe their own mythology, making increasingly reckless decisions because no one dares challenge them.
After World War II, Ferdinand Marcos, who came from a middle-class family, began to climb steadily up the power ladder in the Philippines. Exaggerating his war record, Marcos became chairman of the House Committee on Commerce, then won a Senate seat in 1959, and then became Senate President in 1963. Marcos ran a populist campaign emphasizing his inflated war hero record and became the 10th president of the Philippines in 1965. His first term as president was popular with aggressive infrastructure development. In 1972, Marcos didn’t want to give up power because of the constitutional limit. He declared martial law and ruled as a dictator for the next fourteen years, using emergency powers to eliminate political opposition and concentrate all authority in his hands. His regime was notorious for human rights abuses, corruption, and personal enrichment.
These examples illustrate the obvious problems associated with limitless power, but corruption can also be subtle. A department manager who started as a collaborative and supportive leader might gradually begin interrupting others more frequently, dismissing ideas without thorough consideration, or making unilateral decisions that would have previously been discussed with the group. Many chairpersons and organizational presidents continue clinging to their positions despite espousing support for promoting the next generation. Countless politicians who run for office to provide fresh ideas and solutions struggle to relinquish power when they themselves are viewed as obsolete, having become accustomed to maintaining the status quo, or even when their capacities are so diminished that they can no longer function properly.
The Economy of Power: Trading Influence for Gain
Even in egalitarian societies, power operates through channels that may be less obvious but are equally real. Race, social status, professional credentials, wealth, physical appearance, and even social media presence all represent forms of power that influence how people treat us and what opportunities become available.
Channels of Power Transfer
The most transparent method for acquiring or transferring power is through established processes or protocols that groups have created. These are generally considered policies at the organizational level and laws at national or international levels. As mentioned earlier, a person can acquire more power through established paths, such as promotion, election, or advancement through ranks in various systems.
However, power can also be acquired through brute force, which represents the rawest form of power acquisition that has been prevalent throughout history. We still see this through military coups, revolutions, regime changes brought about by foreign interventions, and other forceful takeovers.
The Money-Power Exchange
Another form of power acquisition occurs through the exchange of other valuables, with money being the most common tradable commodity. In many societies, using money to obtain power or using power to gain monetary value is considered a form of corruption. However, this trading of power for valuables has existed in all societies since the beginning of civilization. The difference between what is considered corruption and legal activity has always been the transparency and consistency of the process.
During Jacob Zuma's presidency in South Africa from 2009 to 2018, wealthy businessmen essentially bought control over government institutions and contracts. The Gupta family, wealthy Indian-born businessmen, developed an extremely close relationship with Zuma and allegedly paid bribes to secure lucrative government contracts and influence key appointments. They reportedly offered cabinet positions to politicians in exchange for favorable decisions, effectively purchasing control over parts of the South African government.
Zuma used his presidential powers to protect this network, firing respected Finance Ministers when they refused to approve questionable deals and appointing Gupta-friendly individuals to head state-owned enterprises, crippling South Africa's economy and leading to rolling blackouts as state-owned companies were stripped of resources.
Legal Power-Money Exchanges in the United States
Although the United States has traditionally been considered a country with low levels of corruption, the legality of power-money transactions creates a system that many overlook or ignore. Lobbying represents the most direct method, as companies and wealthy interests hire professional lobbyists to meet with lawmakers, provide information on legislation, and advocate for specific policies. Major corporations, such as Amazon, Google, and pharmaceutical companies, spend millions of dollars annually on lobbying efforts.
Following the US Supreme Court's ruling in Citizens United, businesses and individuals can donate unlimited funds through Political Action Committees (PACs) and Super PACs to support or oppose political candidates, essentially a legal means of using money to gain or deny power through the electoral process.
Another form of this power-money exchange is the "revolving door" phenomenon, where former government officials can become lobbyists or consultants for private companies, leveraging their personal connections with those in power to influence them. Similarly, corporate executives can be appointed to government positions to make critical decisions regarding the profit and margins of the companies or industries in which they have invested interests.
Academic Power-Money Exchanges
More subtle and sophisticated forms of power-money exchange exist in the academic world, where institutions with prestige use that form of power for financial gain. Harvard University is a notable example of this exchange, having accepted major donations from wealthy individuals who may influence the university's operations and decisions.
The Jeffrey Epstein case became prominent when it was revealed that Harvard continued accepting donations from the convicted sex trafficker even after his 2008 conviction. Epstein donated millions to Harvard and maintained close relationships with several faculty members at the university.
The 2019 college admissions bribery scandal revealed how some wealthy families used donations to influence admissions decisions. While not unique to Harvard, the case highlighted how elite universities' development offices work closely with admissions, creating situations where family wealth can translate to admissions advantages.
These cases illustrate how even elite universities and organizations, which often pride themselves on being morally superior, possess another form of social power, knowingly trade their reputation for financial resources—another form of exchanging the power of prestige for monetary gain.
Love: The Complementary Force
Love, by contrast, works like gravity—an attractive force that draws people together and creates bonds. Unlike power's energy that pushes and suppresses, love operates as a fundamental force of attraction that seeks to eliminate gaps rather than create them. Just as gravity becomes stronger the closer objects get to each other, love intensifies with proximity and intimacy, pulling people into orbit with or without their discrimination.
Where power creates pressure that can crush or elevate, love generates an irresistible pull that brings people together. This gravitational pull exerts a binding force between people, and like gravity, the more intimate the relationship, the stronger love exerts its influence. This force is often best represented in the unbreakable bond between a mother and a child. Moreover, love transcends societal boundaries—we see it in the connection between people from different backgrounds, between owners and their pets, as well as between leaders and their followers.
The Balance: When Power and Love Work Together
The healthiest relationships—whether romantic, familial, or professional—occur when people who possess both power and love understand the dynamics of both forces and blend them so they work in harmony.
Power provides the pressure and momentum needed for growth and achievement, while love supplies the care and connection that makes people bond. A great teacher understands how to combine both forces: they use their authority to maintain classroom standards and push students toward excellence (power) while also demonstrating genuine care for each student's well-being and development (love). Similarly, successful parents set and enforce boundaries (power) while consistently showing unconditional affection and support (love).
Richard Williams mastered this balance perfectly. His relentless training regimen was powered by love, not ego. His authority served his daughters' development, not his own need for control. The results speak for themselves: Venus won seven Grand Slams while Serena became arguably one of the greatest female tennis players of all time with 23 Grand Slam singles titles. Together, they dominated tennis for over two decades and inspired millions of young athletes worldwide.
Venus and Serena's success extends beyond sports. They are now successful businesswomen who advocate for social justice. They serve as role models for millions of people who look up to them. Their success proved that his methods—combining masterful use of power with protective love and strategic planning—could create not only champions but also exceptional human beings.
The Conscious Use of Power
Understanding power as a fundamental force in human relationships—neither inherently good nor bad, but simply present—allows us to engage with it more skillfully. Like any form of energy, power can be constructive or destructive depending on how it's channeled.
The goal isn't to eliminate power from relationships but to wield it consciously with a clear purpose for the benefit of the world. This process requires ongoing self-reflection: Am I using my power to help others grow or to control them? Am I seeking power to satisfy my ego or as a tool to serve something larger than myself?
We need to regularly examine our own motivations. We need to remember the 5 W's of power, especially the "Why?" when we are entrusted with power. We need to remember that true strength often lies not in exerting power over others, but in empowering them to reach their own potential.
In the end, the most successful relationships are those where power serves the mutual growth of both parties, where love provides the glue that keeps people together, no matter how strongly they push. The exercise of power, whether to propel or suppress, needs to make others feel safe rather than threatened. When we strike this balance, we create connections that bring out the best in everyone involved, pushing and pulling each other toward excellence while fostering genuine care and closeness.
The Williams family showed us what's possible when power is harnessed skillfully, along with love. Their story reminds us that the forces shaping our relationships are as predictable as the laws of physics—and just as subject to conscious direction. The question isn't whether we have power, but how we choose to use it.
[This exploration of power sets the foundation for understanding human relationships. In a future piece, I'll examine more deeply how love works as the complementary force that binds us together.]
